Pop-M-S @ 1926.

Music makes up our identity, says us music afficionados (no, the word "fan" won't do). Music is our lives, say many of us musicians.

I play the keyboards, guitar and drums. Picked them up on my own, and played in a church band for some years. I never proclaimed to be good, in fact, I was always deeply aware of how much more practice I should be putting into my instruments. But my love for music seemed to stop at long hours of practices, I just never worked at it.

Then, I came here. To Melbourne. And met a guy (no, this is not going to be a love story) who plays ahem, piano, drums, guitar, bass, violin, organ and saxophone. Can you say phwoar? 'cause I've seen the guy in action on five of the above named instruments and he's no half-past-six jack of all trade like me.

Well, like I said, I picked up the instruments I play myself so I never had people coach me or point out what I did right or wrong. I'm very fortunate that this dude gave me a drum lesson last week and finally, I have someone who can point out what I'm doing wrong and what I should be doing.

But, you know, while one side of me felt "good, now I know and can improve", the other side just went, "I'm a rotten drummer, I'm a rotten drummer, I'm a rotten drummer".

Ouch.

Ok, bringing all these back to the academic nature of this course. You see, that whole experience (and the "I'm rotten" feeling still lingers) showed me how much of my identity is affected by my role as a musician.

Take away my ability to play music and you handicap me. I. Feel. Handicapped.

Because I picked up some bad habits involving fundamental drumming skills, I now feel that I cannot drum at all unless I correct these bad habits. Which means when I drum these days, all I do is drum my basic rhythm and try to correct my errant right hand. It's like I've forgotten to do rolls, or syncopated beats, and well, every thing else.

I feel like my arm has been chopped off.

And as a person, I feel lost.

Lost.

That's how much the musician part of me makes up my psyche and involves me as a person.

For a good few days, I was depressed. Depressed because music now no longer flows from my hands.

Why should it matter so much? Well, next to God and my family, music is the biggest thing in my life. Listening to music and playing music, both.

See, music is me. My world is filled with music. I absorbed and make music, and in this consumption and production, I derive a feeling of being alive.

Some people seeped in fandom find their identity in dressing like the band they like, hanging out with like-minded fans, and speaking the lingo of the genre as well as aspiring to be like their idols. When they meet people, they size them up using the person's music preference. Their world is that band they love. The band they love defines their reality. In the same way music defines my reality and who I am to a certain measure.

So take away my ability to play and you effectively break me.

Never underestimate the power of music. Every one should probably study popular music in society, I'm sure I'm not the only affionado whose existence is affected by music.
- posted by sg girl @ 7:26 pm
 

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